Together Again x Or x Forever Apart?
by MelNichols18
Summary: Gon and Killua know they want to travel with the other again, and Gon knows he has a lot to apologize for after how deeply he hurt Killua during the Chimera Ant Arc. But things aren't that simple anymore. Will Killua forgive him? Will they go back to how they used to be? Or will Killua say no? Series of individually-tagged oneshots, starts six months after World Tree.


**Note from Author:**

 **Hey, guys! Thanks so much for reading this fanfic!**

 **I'm sure you are expecting rapid-fire cohesive chapters. Unfortunately, I won't be able to deliver that. Instead, what I have is a collection of oneshots centered around our favorite boys and their shenanigans. Each oneshot is a stand-alone chapter, but there might be a couple that do go together. If that happens, I'll let you know. I also won't be updating all the time. I have priorities higher up on the list than this fanfic, so I'm going to address those first. I'd also like to note that these oneshots are mostly in chronological order beginning the winter following the Chimera Ant and Chairman Arcs.**

 **That said, I'd also like to warn you. There may be future intimacy scenes - probably won't be explicit, so no worries there - and the characters will probably be Killugon because I ship them so hard! However, I don't anticipate it becoming a regular, all-consuming thing. Also, there will be some cussing, though it will not be an every-other-word, shoveled-on-by-the-truckload sort of way. Cussing will primarily happen during periods of high emotion and they will be sprinkled in everywhere else. Its meant just to accentuate the mood.**

 **Now, because this fanfic is made up entirely of oneshots, I'd be thrilled to hear what you as a reader would like to see the boys go through. Do you want something angsty and full of feels? Or do you want something light and sweet and innocent? Or do you want a oneshot that is full of sexy Killugon, or even another pairing? Or do you have a particular scene in mind? Or even just this once headcanon you'd like to see written out? Whatever you want to see, just let me know and I'll do my best to make it happen.**

 **As always, I'd like to also hear what you enjoyed and did not enjoy, what I could do better with and what I did great at. Be as harsh or cruel or 'Hit you in the face!' as you want. But please, for the love of God, don't send me generic 'this is great!' reviews. I look forward to reviews so much, and it hurts when i get those superficial reviews so please don't do that to me! I don't need my ego puffed up, I need to figure out my strengths and weaknesses so that I can become a better writer.**

 **Okay. Now that all of that is over with, ON TO THE SHOW!**

Snowflakes drifted down from the heavens, sparkling white and reflecting the moonlight. Below the sparkling heavens, there was a city like any other, and walking on the bridge below was a very lonely Gon. The youth had turned fifteen almost six months ago, during the Chimera Ant invasion, and had been travelling with his father for the last five months. But the father-son duo had recently split up, their original goals having been completed. Now Gon was on his own for the first time since he had left Whale Island three years ago. The teen had no idea where he wanted to go so he wandered the streets of this random city aimlessly, hoping a new adventure would find him. He pulled his green fur-lined jacket closer against his body as he shivered in the cold, wishing just to get across this bridge so that he could get back to his hotel.

Unbeknownst to Gon, another teen was also wandering around alone. Killua was alone because he had left his sister with his first nen mentor so could Wing train Alluka in nen. He knew Alluka was in safe hands with Wing and Zushi, so he wandered around restlessly sometimes. But he itched to travel again, to go on more adventures in a faraway country, but he easily curbed those desires. He needed to stay near Alluka to protect her and just for the sake of being close to her. After all, she was the only family he had and he didn't want to be too far from her, for his own peace of mine as well as her protection. He may have been raised to be a one-man army, but he didn't like being alone now that he has discovered what it means to have a true friend.

Now, the fourteen year old ex-assassin wandered the same city where his friend wandered, totally unaware of Gon's proximity.

The two boys noticed something at the same time. For Gon, it was a very familiar scent on the breeze. For Killua, it was a reaction to his _En_ \- a circle of nen that surrounds the body further than usual - that he recognised. He sensed another person's aura, and that aura felt so very familiar. Both teens froze at the same moment, and both leapt forward a moment later with a mission on their minds, jumping between groups of people and from lightpost to lightpost.

They met at the center of the bridge and both froze once again, taking in a sight they hadn't expected to see; Each other. Gon was looking at Killua, his partner in all things. Killua was looking at Gon, his embarrassingly-outspoken, over-emotional but precious friend.

Gon was the first to smile, and Killua soon smiled as well. Then they raced forward again, embracing each other in only a few bounds.

Gon held Killua so tightly, Killua was sure his ribs would crack, and he hugged Gon the same way. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he'd missed Gon so much in the last six months.

"Killua!" Gon whimpered even as he clutched the other boy closer. He took an uneven breath, on the verge of tears for multiple reasons. "You're here!"

Killua smiled, automatically shifting his embrace from one of joy and welcoming to one of comfort and acceptance. "I'm here, Gon." He whispered to the raven-haired boy.

Without another word, they remained like that for a while, just holding each other and basking in the other's presence.

"I've been thinking-" Gon paused, hiccuping incessantly, as he reluctantly pulled away from Killua. Gon had tears running unabasedly down his face and Killua could feel his own eyes watering.

"Yeah? 'Bout what?" Killua asked.

"Everything *hiccup* I said. With Pitou."

"Ohh." Killua replied, his voice saying ' _Oh, right. That..'_ but his heart said _'Oh no. Don't make me relive that!'_

"And I realised something. I said some terrible things to you, Killua."

 _Yeah, you did._ Killua mentally replied, still rather mad and more than a little hurt, even six months later.

"I didn't realise it at the time. I was just so mad about Kite."

 _I know, Gon. That's why I didn't yell at you. I could understand what motivated you. But it still hurt._

"I couldn't think beyond seeing Kite like that. And I know that's not an excuse for what I said. Its not meant to be. There _is_ no excuse for saying that you weren't reacting to Kite so you must not care, when I know full well that that's not true. And I said that I wanted to kill Pitou on my own even though I should have remembered you'd want to fight with me as we always have. So," Gon hiccuped again and started crying again. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry, Killua! "

"Gon." Killua spoke, half-whimpering and half-comforting. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't know how to handle a crying Gon when he was crying over hurting Killua. So he thought about what he could say.

He _could_ say _'It's okay, but I'm still pissed.'_ when the truth is it was most certainly _not_ okay! Gon has single-handedly torn open one of Killua's insecurities and used it against him, and then bombarded him with excluding him from a fight that Killua wanted to support Gon in.

Killua _could_ say 'I forgive you', but that wasn't his style and he seriously doubted that he'd ever forgive Gon for ripping apart the friendship that Killua treasured so he _could_ say a bunch of other, sentimental crap. But he chose to discard those options because they didn't fit right.

"Idiot." He whispered softly as he held Gon at arm's length, still grasping onto the shoulders of the boy who has a ghost of a hopeful smile creeping onto his face. Killua sucked in some air and let loose.

" _Do you honestly expect me to forgive you just because you grew up a little? Dumbass!"_ He shouted at full volume, not even caring that they were drawing attention from other passersby. "What you said hurt a lot, and I'll still hurt over that for a long time and there's nothing you can do! So don't go thinking that one apology and some crying will fix things because _it won't_! Do you have any idea of what happened to us after that? You broke us, Gon! You single-handedly broke our _year-and-a-half_ -long friendship! Something like that doesn't go away easily! And you know what? Had you not said those things, Alluka and I would have waited for you beneath the tree, and then we could have gone on together as usual. Truth is, Gon, I lied about Alluka wanting to travel. She just wants to be with me. So I said we wanted to travel so I could get the fuck away from you so I could figure out how to deal!" Killua yelled relentlessly. He watched as Gon recoiled further and further away, internally curling himself up where he could. Killua knew he should shut up before he permanently damaged Gon, but he was tired of keeping everything locked up inside. He had these things to say and he was used to not saying them because he treasured Gon for everything he'd done for him, but he was damn well going to say them now that Gon was in front of him and practically begging for a lecture.

By now, he'd said the more board-range things he'd been stewing on, and he had to remember the motives behind what Gon had said so long ago. He wanted to ask Gon why Kite was so important to Gon that he would be okay with sacrificing not only his friendship with Killua but also Gon's life to avenge Kite, but he didn't ask that question. He knew that Kite was Gon's only link to Ging at the time, and because Kite had proven himself to be a man worthy of Gon's respect and so Gon respected him. Also, after two months of travelling with someone that Gon liked in such a way, then it was only natural for Gon to want to avenge Kite's death. Heck, Killua had wanted that same thing. But he wouldn't sacrifice his friendship with Gon over some thoughtless words, and he sure as hell wouldn't lay down his life; because Gon needed him. Why the hell couldn't Gon see how much Killua had needed him?!

"And what the hell was your problem? Giving up your life and shattering our friendship over Kite like that? I get you were pissed as hell; So was I. But do you realise what I had to do after you threw away your life?! After your battle with Pitou, you had expended so much nen that you almost died. Every nen doctor that looked at you said you were a lost cause, you were going to die and there was nothing they could do. But I wouldn't accept that. Even after everything you'd said to me and how you treated me, I was not going to let you die. So I went back home." Here, Gon gasped at this news, shock and then failure darkened his amber eyes.

"I went home, I faced the wrath of my family, to rescue Alluka so she could heal you because only she had the power to save your ass! I was left with rescuing your hide. And I ended up pissing them off again. I had to threaten to kill my mother so my parents would let me out of the mansion, and I had to fight off Illumi while protecting Alluka from him. And even after we got away, I had to wait for Alluka to heal you and that was torture for me. I was so scared that you would die and that I couldn't help you this time. "

"So, no, you're not forgiven just like that! You put me through hell, Gon! Because you couldn't control your temper or what you were saying! You couldn't get over your anger enough to understand what you said and how it would make me feel. Damn it, Gon! We were a team. We'd gone through everything together! And do you know how many times I protected you?! Is it really so hard to think about other people for once in your life?! _Idiot_!" Killua ranted angrily, not even caring at how Gon was feeling. The kid needed to see what his actions did to others, to the faithful friend who wouldn't have dreamed of being anywhere else than right by Gon's side. He needed to understand!

Killua took a couple of deep breaths, feeling himself starting to calm. He'd said most of what he had wanted to say, he'd revealed the extent of the the damage Gon had dealt him. So now he was calming down.

Meanwhile, Gon just stared at Killua in shock. He was absorbing what Killua had revealed. He lowered his head and Killua noticed that his bottom lip trembled.

"I'm -" Gon hiccuped again. "I'm sorry. I really am an idiot." he whimpered as fresh tears made themselves known. Killua sighed and rolled his eyes, kind of embarrassed now. He didn't know what else he could say, and Gon wasn't saying anything, so he let Gon cry himself out.

Once Gon had his emotions under control again, he took a deep breath, wiped his eyes, and faced Killua, who had by now prepared himself for the next conversation.

"So, now what?" Gon asked, conceding defeat. Killua noticed the tone that Gon used, and he knew that Gon was letting Killua decide, taking point. When he had travelled with Killua, Gon was always in the lead because Killua just wanted to tag along. But now Gon was submissive as he looked at the Zoldyck boy. He knew he'd never deserve Killua after everything Gon had said and done.

Killua knew immediately that there had been a switch in power, and he looked away from Gon, across the frozen lake while he thought about what he wanted, which came to him easily. Despite everything that had happened, he still wanted to travel with Gon. But life wasn't that simple anymore. He had to think about Alluka now. If Gon tagged along with them, then Alluka would be affected, maybe even hurt on one of their escapades. And he couldn't just leave her here. He had to be nearby in case Illumi or another one of the Zoldyck clan came to take her back to Kurkuroo Mountain.

"I don't know." Killua whispered, genuinely lost. Almost every fiber of his being wanted Gon in his life again, wanted them to be friends again. However, an equal number of fibers wanted him out of his life because of the damage he'd already caused and the danger his presence posed to Alluka. "What are you doing here, in this city?" Killua asked, trying to distract Gon so Killua could buy a bit more time to think.

"Wandering." Gon answered simply.

"What about Ging?"

"We traveled for a few months, but then we decided to split up. We'd both achieved our goals and Ging's more suited to being alone, so we separated."

"Oh. Didn't you promise Mito that you'd go back to Whale Island once you found Ging? Haven't you gone back yet?"

"Yeah, I did promise that. But it wouldn't feel right, going back home without settling things between us. So I'll go home once we work things out. What are you doing here?"

"Alluka's training with Wing. She's trying to control and learn more about Nanika."

"Nanika?" Gon asked.

"Oh, right. I haven't told you. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone the details, so let's leave it at this. Nanika is Alluka's Hatsu. But she wants to learn more about Nanika and how to control her, so Alluka's training with Wing."

"That's a good idea. Wait, but Wing and Zushi should be in Zebokun. What are they doing here?"

"Its a different phase of Zushi's training. Its less battle-centered so they moved here. Its working great for Alluka."

"Well, that's great!"

"Yeah."

Killua mulled over everything that had been said, trying to rearrange his life so he could travel with Gon without endangering Alluka. He could leave Alluka to Wing. Killua knew that his sister would be safe with him. And now that he could be away from Alluka without death looming over his head from that deadly promise he'd made, he could afford to distance himself a bit. So he could go on more adventures with Gon, and he really wanted to. But he was still cautious. He couldn't get over the pain from his last adventure with Gon. He suspected that he never would. But was he willing to open himself up to that sort of pain again?

Meanwhile, Gon's thoughts were much more frantic. Killua looked calm and composed, and that made Gon nervous. He knew he didn't deserve Killua's forgiveness, and now that he knew what Killua had done for him, Gon wouldn't ask for it because he knew he'd never get it. He also wanted to travel with Killua like they used to. But he was afraid that he had done too much damage to their relationship. He wanted to fight for his friendship with Killua, but he didn't know if he had the right. But most of all, he knew that because Gon had dealt the damage, it was Killua who decided where they would go from here.

Gon could see one of two things happening now. Ideally, they'd go on adventures together again and try to pretend that they'd fixed their friendship. But it was much more likely that Killua would send him packing.

Gon fidgeted, nervous. He was divided. He wanted to zoom into the future by a few hours, to see which road Killua decided, which would put an end to this horrible uncertainty. But Gon also wanted to hear what was on Killua's mind. He wanted this part to be over. The waiting was agony.

Killua glanced back at Gon, finding him visibly nervous, uncertain and quite depressed. He sighed and thought harder, weighing all of the options that he could think of. When an answer didn't come to him immediately, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and dug into his mind, to his soul. He wanted to hear what his instincts had to say.

He didn't receive the answer he was expecting. Instead of a cut and dry message, he remembered old memories. He remembered the Hunter Exam and how easily Gon and Killua had clicked together. He remembered how much fun they'd had locked into that tiny room for two days after Leorio had gambled away their time. He remembered how it felt when he had found out that Gon, Kurapika and Leorio had braved the Zoldyck butlers to rescue him. He had been so happy when his mother had told him. He remembered fighting at Heaven's Arena, learning about nen with Gon, and watching Gon punch Hisoka in the face. Killua had really enjoyed that part. Gon had really grown up while they were at Heaven's Arena, and it was fun to watch the process. He remembered the few days they'd spent on Whale Island together, running rampant through the forest like two wild children, meeting Mito and Granny and feeling what a home was supposed to be like. He had loved getting that glimpse into Gon's world, learning more about who Gon was. Killua also remembered Greed Island, and training with Bisky. It had been tough, but it had been fun, too. They'd both gone through rigorous training and had stared death in the face, but they'd done it together and they'd triumphed.

Killua sighed and faced Gon. Gon immediately took notice and he stood a bit straighter. Killua could see in Gon's eyes that Gon was ready for the worst.

"To be honest…" Killua began, deciding immediately what the right path was. Beside him, Gon stiffened. "I've missed going on adventures with you. We had a lot of fun no matter where we went. I'd like to do that again." He noticed that Gon's ghost smile had started again, anticipating Killua's message. "But things aren't quite that simple." Killua continued and watched as that ghostly smile disappeared, replaced with despair in those amber irises. "I have to make sure Alluka is safe."

"Of course." Gon replied, accepting Killua's decision grimly. "I wouldn't ask you to endanger someone so important to you. I'll just-" He turned to leave.

"Don't get ahead of me!" Killua shouted. Seriously, was Gon so guilt-ridden that he would assume that Killua had meant to send Gon away, despite how flashy Killua could be? "Alluka is safe with Wing so I think I can take some time for more adventures. That is, if you want to join me."

"Really?" Gon asked, turning around as soon as the last words had left Killua's mouth.

"Would I say it if I didn't mean it? Honestly…But, if you don't want to go on adventures with me then that's fine."

"No, I want to! I want to a lot!"

"Alright, then. Come on." Killua started walking the way he had come. He heard Gon's footsteps as the older boy matched Killua's silent stride.

"By the way, Killua." Gon said, his voice mostly back to normal. Killua looked at his friend quizzingly. "Happy birthday!"

"Oh, right." Killua blushed, embarrassed again and completely unsure of how to react. His family hadn't celebrated birthdays or anything happy. For Killua, the anniversary of his birth was just another day. But he was starting to learn that it wasn't supposed to be that way, thanks to Gon. "Uhm, thanks."


End file.
